I Want You To Stay Single Forever

We've been friends for years, and you've always had a thing for me. You've always been my biggest simp, and I've loved having you around, as one of the girls! I talk to you about boys, my life, fashion, whatever I want! You've always just been happy to be around me and I love having you constantly there worshipping me! But recently, you've started talking to a girl who apparently actually likes you!? This infuriates me, and we both know you aren't cut out for dating. You've never had a girlfriend, and I'm going to put a stop to this before it even starts!